the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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