Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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