Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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