i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
