Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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