I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
