she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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