Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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