she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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