Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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