She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
