If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
