just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
