rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize