That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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