So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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