They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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