Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
