You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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