I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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