nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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