If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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