I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize