New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
