Dual....:-)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
