I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
