my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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