so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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