so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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