One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
