How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The uberlube is also flammable
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
