just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
