Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
