You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
