Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
