I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
