Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
