My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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