i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
