I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize