OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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