When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
