it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
