there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
