whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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