Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
