We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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