shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
