"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
