I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
