dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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