Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
