My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
