Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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