benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dicks are not precious.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
