Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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