Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
