Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
