i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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