Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
