He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
