When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
