so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
