The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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