Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
