i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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