On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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