Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
