I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
