I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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