I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
