You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
