**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
