i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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