I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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