oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
