My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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