in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
