She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
