im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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