I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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