I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
