In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it glows. i had to have it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
