We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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