laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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